When suicide bomber Hamid Hojizz blew himself up in the name of Islam last week he was unanimously ridiculed for destroying himself in the name of such a preposterous ideology.
But it turns out we were all wrong.
The Stockton Times managed to arrange an exclusive chat with Islamic god Allah all the way from heaven where he told us that the suicide bomber had in fact been rewarded and was currently enjoying his 72 virgins.
“Hamid was a good Muslim. He did exactly what the Koran tells him to do” Allah told us.
“There is no reason not to reward him for his efforts”
“I specifically said in the Koran that infidels must be killed and this suicide bomber killed his fair share”
“I just wish all the peace loving Muslims would do the same”
Mr Hojizz said he was glad he had done the right thing and was pleasantly surprised when he entered heaven.
“I thought the Koran promised me 72 raisins but the unpopped women are much better”