A Brisbane women has finally filled that gnawing, loveless place deep inside of her soul after purchasing her 38th pair of designer shoes.
Claire Ridgewood from Brisbane’s inner city suburb of Hamilton told The Times that after walking out of trendy Sass and Bide in New Farm she no longer felt alone in the world and her materialistic days were over.
“I felt a great peace come over me the second I tried them on” she told us with a calm and beatific smile.
“For years i’ve been filling my life with useless possessions in order to distract myself from the fact of my mortality and crippling loneliness but not anymore”
“These shoes have completed me and the hole in my soul has been filled”
The owner of the store, Sue Riggs, said she’d heard it all before.
“She said the same thing last time but I can’t complain. The shallow thing just paid me $800 for pair of shoes.”
“She’ll be back in a few weeks after she goes through her husbands phone again and finds messages of him flirting with his secretary.”
“That hole will come back quick smart”