Local coward playing it cool to prove he has no feelings for you.

After taking tinder date, Jess Branson, home and exchanging bodily fluids Bobby Browne has told her to scram and stop occupying his bed like a Palestinian washerwoman.

Despite feeling a tinge of loveliness at the sight of Jess sprawled out on his soiled sheets he knew it was time to show her the door to stop any feelings arising.

“She was a good sort and I had to fool her into thinking I liked her in order to get her back here but now that the sack is drained I can ignore those feelings and be a twat” he told our reporter shortly after.

“To be honest I stopped liking her the second she let me in”

“I mean what self respecting girl sleeps with some random bloke after a few wines at a bar and some dancing to eagle eyed cherry”

Our reporter also talked to Jess as she left Bobby’s and gave us a slightly different version of events.

“That douche thinks he’s some hot shit but you can tell he’s scared”

“Petrified that even a few extra hours spent with me would have him feeling something so he kicked me out”

“Not that I’m bloody complaining. He has about as much personality as Kim Jong Un and goes down worse than a soggy sao”

“I just needed some dick tonight and he definitely was a dick”