Climbing Uluru to be banned in 2019 to appease mighty rainbow serpent

The Government has finally caved to the demands of the Dreamtime gods and banned climbing on the sacred Aborginal rock.

The ban comes into effect in October 2019 and that time can’t come soon enough for the people who live in daily fear of incurring the wrath of the Dreamtime animals.

Chairman of the Uluru park board, Sammy Wilson, said it was high time we “closed the playground” and turn the rock into a policed area.

“This debate has gone on for years and finally the Australia government has listened to reason and passed laws that make anyone walking on Uluru a criminal.”

“It’s a big beautiful rock and climbing it is a once in a lifetime experience but sometimes you have to use common sense. Every reasonable person will tell you these serpent gods are not to be messed with”

“After all they created the rock. They are also the rightful owners of the rock so they should decide who gets to go near it”