Madge Sarandon has smoked her fair share of hog in her time.
She lived through the 1960’s and it was a time when the expression “the more the merrier” went way too far.
But despite having flaps that flop loose like a popped balloon, she says they can still generate enough friction to get a man spurting.
“I’ll admit they’ve taken some fire in their time. Some of it friendly, some of it more damaging than 2 square pegs trying to fit into 1 round hole”
“Hell, sometimes I feel them drooping so low i have to curl them up like the tail of a pig”
“But they still grip strong and can be felt on at least 2 sides.”
Alfred Longears, who lives in the same retirement village, first met Madge when she was still limber enough to swallow men up and spit them out before they knew what hit them.
“She was something else back in the day. Sure she sags now but all that flopping is a hard fought battle scar that was won and lost in the battle of love”
A serene smile is on his face as he continues to recount memories of Madge and it’s a welcome change for a mind that mostly dwells on impending death.
“I just hope she knows how much good she’s done.”
Madge passed away last week before this story went to print and this reporter attended the funeral to honour the woman who was responsible for more good than Princess Diana and Mother Teresa combined.
For in her lifetime Madge was responsible for spilling more seed than Michael J. Fox at a bird feeder and it was always a special kind of seed.
One that this 28 year old reporter still thinks about.