The royal commission into the banking sector has ended already after it found the big 4 banks only want what’s best for the Australia people.
High Court Judge Kenneth Hayne was in charge of the commission and said the banks provided overwhelming evidence that all the feel good ads were true, and the only thing the banks cared about were hard working Australian families.
“Leading into this investigation i thought we’d find huge amounts of misconduct, corruption, money laundering and manipulation of the economy for personal riches but we were wrong” he said in his final deliberation.
“All the evidence and TV commercials suggest they are on the side of the Australian people”
Financial expert Ross Greenwood was less enthusiastic with the findings and suggested the lack of evidence had something to do with the fact that the banks had months of notice to shred anything incriminating.
“It’s like stealing a bag of peanuts from your own pantry and then having 6 months to hide the evidence”
“What did you think they were going to do? Hand it all over and make themselves look bad?”
Although the commission was a success for the banking sector, NAB Chairman Barry Henry said he was glad it was over and he could get back to helping the Australia people
“We want to go back to doing what we doing best. Holding to ransom one of the most important things a human being needs, which is a home to live in”
“Our whole business model is about making billions of dollars off a human being’s need to live somewhere. Of course there’s no need for us to make billions simply because people need a place to live, but we need money and you need a house so there it is.”
“But with that being said we only want what’s best for you”
“You’re not being swindled”
“Go back to sleep”