Man repaying $500,000 for $300,000 home still thinks the banks are on his side

There’s three things in life that every human being needs. Food, water and shelter.

And Sydney man Tom Morgan is about to realise that one of those things is controlled and held to ransom for the sake of billions of dollars in profit.

“I’m not sure where it comes from but I’ve always had this need to have a roof over my head.” he said after leaving a meeting at the Commonwealth Bank.

“So I dressed myself up in my nicest shirt and put on a big smile and then I grovelled and did my best to convince the bankers that I was good enough to allow them to financially enslave me for the next 30 years.”

“Fingers crossed they’re gracious enough to accept my application.”




Mr Morgan also said that although he’ll pay them back nearly double it’s still worth it.

“They have all the power and without them I’ll never have a place to call my own.”

“Sure they profit off my desperation and hold home ownership to ransom because they know it’s one of the most important things a person needs.”

“But you don’t get the chance to own a house unless you do it their way, which means they can do whatever they please.”

“If they want to financially enslave me for 30 years then they can. Whatever is best for them.”

“It’s the great Australian dream after all”




Speaking from the courthouse where he just gave testimony for the royal commission, A surprisingly honest Commonwealth Bank executive said having a place to live is one of mankind’s most desperate needs and there’s plenty of money to be made if you exploit that need right.

“We know how desperate people are to have their own home.” the cheerful suit said.

“They’re so desperate they’re willing pay back twice what we lent them and cling to some shitty job they hate just so they can make the repayments.”

“And when someone is that desperate you can pretty much exploit them anyway you please”

“Not only that, they turn around and thank you for being kind enough for exploiting them”

“After all we’re the ones doing you the favour”

A Government spokesman said they were willing to continue giving 100’s of thousands of dollars in student loans but wanted to leave home loans in the hands of the banks as that is how they make the profits that helps them run the world.