Hysterical bloke actually thinks climate change is going to wipe out humanity

“The world world is going to be in flames if we don’t do something about climate change soon.” said 26 year Tom Sampson to the 3 friends who sat across from in the Melbourne cafe.

They knew he was right. They’d read the articles and seen the pictures. The polar bears, the bush fires.

“I don’t even want to think of the world my grand kids are going to be living in.” he continued.

“Poor buggers are going to be living in a hell on earth. Whole cities will be underwater and any land that isn’t underwater will be in constant flames.”

“When will our leaders please think of the grand children?”

Sitting across from him was George Byrnes, who knew just as little about the future as Tom but liked to argue with people for the sake of it.

“I don’t think it’s that big of a deal” he said.

His 3 friends looked at him as if he’d just lured a homeless man into oncoming traffic with a $5 dollar note tied to a piece of string.

“What do you mean it’s not a big deal? What about the polar bears? The grandchildren? Don’t you know the scientists all agree?” they asked.

“Man those bitching nerds just want to get on TV.” George said.

Gasping ensued. The grand kids?

“Man fuck the grand kids. Those little fuckers are going to be living way better than us. At the moment you’ve got people like Bill Gates sponsoring technology that is going to remove all the carbon from the atmosphere and take us back to pre-industrial levels.”

“You’ve got some Dutch dude who developed the technology to remove all the plastic from the ocean and you’ve got scientists growing rump steak in petri dishes. Not to mention genetically modified food which is going to completely eliminate starvation and hunger.”

“Even Elon Musk wants to create an atmosphere on Mars and I’m supposed to believe we can’t fix ours? Really?

“Our grand kids are most likely going to be eating moon cheese and drinking margaritas on Mars and I’m supposed to feel bad for them”

His friends looked at each other in uncomfortable silence and couldn’t believe how someone could be so wrong. But George didn’t notice their faces and continued his rant.

“The truth is we’ve been pissing in the mouth for Mother Nature for the last few centuries and now she’s got the nerve to turn around and say she doesn’t like the taste. But try again sweetie cause that’s not how this works. Humans dominate anything that gives us trouble and in a few decades we’re going to dominate the environment.

“Now if all those nerds can quit with the doomsday talk that would be great. Do something useful. Go back to your bunsen burners and invent me an app that turns down the sun because it’s too damn hot in here.”